Warning, may cause drowsiness

Brittany??

Yes??

You look so luscious!!

luscious!!!?? You mean fat??

No.. No.. No, I mean...

radiant?

no, HM....

aah you look vibrant, and full of life!!

right, Laugh Out Loud!

So I just arrived home to Florida, Sunday, at 5:22pm. For those of you who are unaware, I was In Astoria Queens, New York!!! It was an absolute blessing to have had the opportunity to be there, for two weeks! !! It was such a wonderful experience! I was able to see, experience, taste, and learn so many different things! I was surrounded by So much beauty. It was like, The whole world, Packed Into one state. People from all over the world, speaking so many different Languages, and there were many, many different cultures, and religions! It was amazing! Wow, and oh how talented the people there were!!

It was non stop 24/7 entertainment! If I had to chose one place In America to be a missionary, New York would be the place! I know God put me there, for those two weeks, because he was teaching me something. Not only about myself, and about other people, but also the about the plan that he has prepared for my life.

let me provide you with a short little story/ testimony, before I go any further. So While I was there I seen many many homeless people, I wanted to help them all! However My friend would not let me, because they said, there were too many to help, and that I couldn't help everyone!! Well, They were sadly mistaken.... I simply said well, why not! They replied with, because you will go broke Brittany... good point, but It Is not all about money now Is It?? God gave us the capability, to Love, touch, see, hear, talk, walk, And so forth.

If you are Alive then you have the ability too Help everyone, there is no limit!! It is not all About just handing out your money, it is about loving people, using God's heart, for what he intended it to be used for.... Some people just need someone to talk too, others, need someone who will just listen to them, Others, just need someone, to sit in silence with them, only because they just want to be around another human being, because they don't want to be alone, and then some people do need food, or clothes, or money. either way, you can always help, regardless, there is no excuse... Lets break this down mathematically, If you have five dollars in your pocket, You would probably spend it on food for yourself or something, that is 5 homeless people you could provide with something to eat... McDonald's has a dollar menu, just saying.... You never know someones situation, unless you take the time to ask, rather then pass!!

Besides the point, that actually really doesn't have anything to do, with what I was originally going to say, but what I am about to does!! Laugh out Loud, anyways, while walking back to the apartment I was staying at, I was craving a slice of pizza, Pineapple, tomato, extra cheese, and mushrooms mm mm How I wanted a slice so bad!! (Laugh Out Loud) well I pass this guy, who was having a conversation with, well someone who wasn't there!! he stops me in front of this Italian, pizza place... I know right? And He didn't ask for money, or anything, the only thing he asked me was, If I could buy Him just one slice of pizza..... I was thinking to myself, hey i want a slice too!! So I walked in and, I bought Him a slice of pepperoni pizza... when I gave it to him, he was so happy, but then I look behind this man, and see another man, searching through the trash, So Being Fearless, and crazy, I walked over and said, excuses me sir, are you Hungary? He said oh yes ma'am!!! So I went back into the pizza place, and bought a box of pizza, and I ate the whole box, with these two homeless guys. I never did ask what their names were, or how they became homeless, but they were so grateful, and happy, that was all that was important to me!!!

I truly believe that God puts people, in your life's, at certain times, for certain reasons, and vise verse...

Change of subject, I came home to receive a package, from world vision, with information regarding This little boy Named Brian, Who me, and a friend of mine are sponsoring. He is 8 years old, he lives in Uganda, and he is a hope child, which means, that His community, is severely affected by Aids/ HIV.... He likes math, and soccer!! It is so cool, we can write to each other, and we can send him things, we can even MEET HIM!!!! I think it will be a pretty cool thing, A blessing for him, and A lesson for us.

Speaking of Africa!! I am super excited. about My missions trip with the African Thrive team, That is coming up Oct 7Th through The 17Th, I am so ready to see What God has in store for me, the team, and The people there In Africa... I can't wait!! I know I will be going somewhere in south Africa, where they speak, English, and Qwa Qwa.... So I will be studying there language these next few weeks and month.... And trying to learn about their cultures, and way of life... It feels incredible to have this opportunity!!! To be able to go on this Journey designed by my heavenly father!!! I just Know in my heart, with every ounce of breath that I have, That God has called me to be a missionary!!!

Well there is so much more to say, But to much to type, I just want to say, He has really changed me from the inside out! Opened my eyes, and flourished my heart with his Love, and Grace....

I am tired now, but I will go play basketball, or tennis, or run......... Laugh Out Loud..

By the way... Eat, Pray, Love, Is a great movie that I think, Everyone should go see!! However They do say the GOD word in there one time....... The Bad one!!

Well That is my update, I will post videos soon, when my camera charges!! Hope everyone Is doing well!!!

Take care

Brittany, Cardinale

Every Thing That you Are!!

My heart shattered to pieces on the floor, but you picked it up, and put it back together.

My tears poured down my face like rain, but you made them into water that I could drink.

You took ashes, and turned them into beauty,

You took hate, and turned it into love,

You took my loosing battle, and made it into my greatest victory,

No matter how many times I put things before you, you always put me first,

You believed in me, you filled me with strength

You gave me hope, and filled me with peace

I love how you love me...

My God, my heart, my strength, my endurance, my light in the darkness

My healer, my maker, the very breath I take...

It is you who has consumed me...

Captivating, overtaking; it is you oh God who is making me fall...

In love with you...

A passionate love that consumes me like fire.

Overtaking every part of me,

Satisfying my desires...

I can't help but to fall in love with you,

I'm just amazed by who you are...

I'm surrounded by this beauty that you have,

A breath taking,

Room shaking,

Overwhelming satisfaction,

There is nothing in this world that can make me fill the way that you do..

I Don't Know What I Should Title This!!

So today, I was having a conversation with someone, and I sat there, and I was listening, but nothing was really sinking in... (STUBBORN) !!!? Yea very! Anyways, the more I sat there, the more I questioned myself, could I be so stubborn, that I sometimes ignore other peoples feelings, and in a selfish way only pay attention to my own?

WOW not cool at all... I guess it takes a little more to make me realize the hurt I have caused someone else.... I thought I knew at first just how much.... I was wrong.

So the more I sat there and the more I listened to what this person was saying to me, the more I could see the hurt and the pain, and when they started talking about a particular situation I went through, and then kind of questioned how I would feel if the tables had been turned... That's when I really started to actually feel the same hurt too... not a good feeling!

It really stayed with me, the words that they said, and their look on their face when they said it, and the sincerity, and the hurt...

See the topic started off as healing, I say I am healed; but did I ever stop to actually think about the others who also need to heal..

being a leader is more then just a title, it's a lifestyle, it's an everyday thing...
It takes preparation and process to build a leader who has been following all of their lives..

leaders set examples, leaders have a strong passionate relationship with God, leaders are Christ like in every way, leaders are trust worthy, forgiving, Honest, leaders are the kind of people who when you get around them you can just feel and tell that the spirit of god dwells within them... leaders are strong, and so much more..

So I continued to think about this, and I started thinking about the people who have come in my life and really made a difference...

I can think of 4!! I started thinking what was it about those four people, that i just loved, and had a peace every time they came around, it's like something about them i thrived off of. Then it hit me those people have a love for God, a strong love for God a strong relationship with God... And I love that..

in order to be an effective leader, people have to see that in you...when people see me I want them to see that God lives inside of me, I want my love for God to be so strong, that people feel peace when they are around me...

In order for that to happen. I have to rebuild my relationship with God, thrive of of his word, pray, and get to know him like a best friend...


So here is what I realized today
In order for anyone including myself to be a GREAT LEADER, then I have to be a STRONG FOLLOWER OF CHRIST!!!

You asked me why? I couldn't answer

How could I let this happen? How could I let my fear become my reality? my biggest fear is losing the people who I love...I let something take over my life because I did not know how to stop... people asked me why? I couldn't give an answer.. what once filled my heart has now left it, and now I feel empty inside.I have a freedom now that I have not felt in a long time,but now there is a void...I have tried my hardest to keep the people who I cared about and loved, as close to me as possible, so they would not leave me, I hurt allot of people by doing so..people want answers from me, and they ask why? I could not give an answer at first... once i seen the hurt in people, the tears they cried, the anger they were feeling, because of me... I felt broken... these people loved me me for me, cared about me, and would do anything for me, I felt the same way towards them. truth is they never planned on leaving me..

You asked me why? I didn't answer, I did not know how to answer... I felt overwhelmed at that moment... I felt like I was not aloud to cry, Like I was not aloud to get angry, and like I was not aloud to react, because I did all this to my self..... But I am hurting, knowing I hurt everyone that I loved!

When I was in the 8th grade there was a kid his name was Devon rape, he went to Bellview middle school with me. He had so many friends, and a great family. One night him and his friend jimmy were walking down Muldoon, rd in Pensacola Fl, right by Sulfley field, and mobile highway, a truck hit him. he was takin' to sacred heart hospital, he was put on life support. I sat in that room with him, and his friends, and his family, for two days... I watched them take him off of life support, knowing he was going to die, knowing that there was nothing anyone could do to save his life... I watched his whole body tense up as he took his last breath. I stood there and watched his mom lay on top of him because she couldn't bring her son back... I remember the music in the back ground, his favorite person, his favorite song, the ring of fire by Johnny Cash.... it was on the radieo, I think his mom might have put it on for him...I felt helpless, I felt empty, He was so young, and his life was gone just like that... it was a horrible feeling.. to watch someone die, and there is nothing that you can do to help them.... That day changed my life.... ever since then I have been so determined to keep the ones I loved and cared about as close to me as possible... because I was so afraid of losing them. It didn't matter if I had to lie, whatever it took, to keep them there with me, I didn't care... eventually the lying got way out of control, and it just became a habit. I couldn't stop, it was like I felt if something wasn't going on, then the ones I loved would leave me..... But I was wrong!! very wrong!!! truth is, now they are gone, and I can not even face them, because I see the hurt, and I feel like I am about to lose everyone I love..... Because I let my fear control my life........

when I was in the tenth or 11nth grade my friend Justin who went to Milton high with me died from a Meth overdose, but later his parents said it was from a brain aniuerism.... I really took a toll on me, because And that is when I really became protective over friends, and really had to have control over things, because if i had control, i felt like nothing bad could happen.... I was wrong

That is one part of it... They other part wich is where me pushing my family away comes in at.... well I guess for now only me and my sister Jess will ever really know, well now my mom.... but I still don't know what to think, even though we have talked, and things were addressed, it has really affected me, because For so long I never knew what to think.... and that is why I separated myself, from my family.... That, and no one knew about "tom" and to my family, I never addressed the issue, because, well I was little, and the the older I got, The more embarrasing it was for me to talk about with anyone....

I feel free because Now I can be myself, and I have a spirit of truth that dwells in me, and I have no more burdens to carry that are of my own.....

I hope to one day mend the relationships that I have broken, fix the hearts that I have hurt, And one day I hope people, are able to see the real me, who loves, and cares, who is selfless, and would do anything for anyone!!

For now all I can do Is be patient, and trust God..... He set me free, was I ready, well I may not have thought I was at the time, but God knew otherwise.....

All I can do now is say how sorry I am...... and that I truly care about my church, and my friends, and all the people who I hurt, over the years....

I hope that you see the real me now!! I hope that you can see the changes that are going to take place in my life....

Brittany's thought

I'm sitting here it is 4:08 am. I am looking through my bible, where I keep all my spirtitual thoughts, and I run across these two pieces of paper.... one says this...

Satan has my feet chained to the floor, but my hands are still up praising the lord. half my heart black, and half my heart pure, searching and searching trying to find a cure. And I know the only cure is salvation, but how can I be saved if I am standing with satan at his station?

and the other says this...

God when will things change? Though I ask for forgiveness, nothing changes, I still feel the same. like my soul is condemed to hell, because I feel that I can not be forgiven. Until I confess to everyone, I don't feel I can be truley forgivin. And honestly I am not ready to tell anyone. So why I sit here with these burdens on my back, satan has a hold of my life, and he has me in these chains, that I can not break free from. God what do I do? I want to be your servant, but I know you can not fully use me, and I can never fully serve you, until I am forgiven, and satan is removed from my life... and I wrote that on feb 13.....

I am not saying that satan dwells in me, what I am saying is this...

I knew I wasn't living a good life, even though I loved God so much, and with allot of passion, my life was not where it fully needed to be, and that is why I could never move foward, and really live for God like he wanted me to. My questions to myself are... why did I wait so long to try to change what I knew was destroying me as a person? Why did I let it go so far, and get the best of me? Why couldn't I just trust God then, instead of waiting? There were so many opportunities, to make my life right, and I just turned them all away....

Never have I ever been able to say that I truly trust God UNTIL NOW!


You know I sit here, and ponder on all the years of my life that I have wasted... I see all these people hurting, because of me.

I can not even imagine how God has felt this whole time... really How hurt has he been? This whole time, he has loved me, never left myside, has helped me through so many situations, that I even question, why God? He has never givin up on me, He has loved me unconditionally... what have I done for him? Turned my back? I do admit I love God with all my heart, but at the same time, can I really say that? If all I have done, is be selfish, and live for me, and not for him? when he reached out, I didn't take his hand. when he said brittany I love you, I want you, I responded with a God I don't want to trust you, cause I'm afraid of the outcomes....

I feel like I have been chained to the world for a long time.... my hands out streched to heaven, reaching for God, but my feet never moving from the spot they were in... the bible says eventually your sin will find you out... wether it be hereon Earth or in Heaven, I can not even began to tell you how true that is!!!!

I have alot of things that I need to change, and do, to become who God desighned brittany to be, and not Britt'knee.............

I will say this...

Don't ever wait and say not now God, when God is reaching out for you, and telling you to come... lets make things new...

my missing puzzle piece

For a long time, my life had this huge void in it. I tried to fill that void with so many different things, In so many different ways, because that emptiness was destroying me and who I was. Nothing made me feel whole, I just felt so empty inside, I felf alone, I felt like no body cared, about the struggels I was facing. I felt like the whole world was against me, and that God didn't love me. I was surrounded by nothing but negative things. I searched and searched, for ways to make my life seem like it was actually worth something, but I could never seem to find was I was looking for. recently I decided hmm what do I have to lose, So I started to seek God more then ever. Reading my bible, Praying, Worshiping hours at a time......... It wasn't until this past Sunday I was in church, and something was just like, It's okay to let go, and worship God freeley, And for the first time, I actually worshiped God with out holding back, with out worrying what others where thinking, with out worrying about well I sure hope no one prays for me, cause If you know me, then you know that I never was really into that hole letting people pray over me deal. But this time, I didn't care, this time, it was just me and God at that moment, And for the first time, in a long time, That void wasn't there, I felt complete, I felt satisfied...... IT FELT AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!